American Christians sometimes talk in banalities and often the names and phrases that they use do not always give people a correct thought-for-thought translation. Seekers coming into our American seeker-friendly Christian churches might like to know some insider information. The following is a short insider guide to help people understand some of the verbiage of modern Protestant Christendom.<\/p>\n
Insider Guide to Modern Protestant Christian Banalities and Names Word or expression<\/strong> – – – – –The Insider thought-for-thought translation<\/strong> Amen? (by the preacher) — I want everyone that I am preaching at to say amen<\/p>\n Amen (by someone in the pews) — I want the preacher and everyone else in the church building to know that I agree<\/p>\n Amen (by the choir) — Words of a song<\/p>\n Amen by a Christian acquaintance — Right on!<\/p>\n Bible Study — Any Christian group with a religious purpose that is meeting anywhere<\/p>\n Bible Study — The book we probably will not be studying in this group<\/p>\n Fellowship time in church services — Shaking as many hands as you can in 3 minutes (spreading the germs around)<\/p>\n Communion — Taking the elements that are being passed around (usually crackers and thimble sized cups of grape juice)<\/p>\n The elements — What is in the tray that is being passed around, often called taking communion<\/p>\n Gawddd — The way that some preachers learn to pronounce God<\/p>\n God told me — I had this thought or feeling so God said it<\/p>\n I will pray about it — That should comfort you, I really have to be going now<\/p>\n Pray about it — I don’t have a clue how I should advise you<\/p>\n Pray for me — Apparently God is not answering my own prayers<\/p>\n What would Jesus do? — I give these clich\u00e9s to answer everything because I never have read the Bible<\/p>\n Slaying in the Spirit — Pentecostals falling on the floor when their “anointed one” pushes them over or gives them the insider gesture to fall<\/p>\n Tongues — Pentecostal speech that usually is not able to be translated even by us insiders<\/p>\n I’m trusting God for it — That’s why I need you to pass the word around<\/p>\n Give your tithes and offerings — This church wants more than 10 percent of your income<\/p>\n Sunday School — A Sunday morning class where the major emphasis is reading bi-monthly journals written by those that have the\u00a0 denominational blessings to interpret selected passages within the Bible and come up with applications for today.<\/p>\n Bible Prophecy — The one-sixth of the Bible that remains unfulfilled and that will never be taught in those bi-monthly journals or anywhere else in most churches<\/p>\n Mission trips — Tax deductible exotic short trips that occasionally even have a worthwhile Christian mission<\/p>\n Church — The name of the local religious tax exempt corporation – It also can be a place where you go, or it can be something that you have – Often “the church” is the name for the building or the part of a building that contains the sanctuary<\/p>\n Sanctuary — The building where the altar is located<\/p>\n Altar — The front of the building where the pastor is located<\/p>\n Altar-call — A call by the preacher to come to the front of the church so he can be properly credited if his message got through.<\/p>\n With every eye closed and nobody looking around — Phrase preachers use to begin a learned control technique to get people to respond to their altar-calls.<\/p>\n Deacons — Often ordained for life local church members that oversee the pastors and congregation<\/p>\n Pastors — Often hired temporal staff members that serves the deacons and congregation<\/p>\n Trustee — A title often given to those church members that are willing to become unpaid maintenance workers<\/p>\n Church board — The board of directors for this tax-exempt corporation.<\/p>\n Business meeting — Usually a meeting where most members rarely show up to rubber stamp the decisions of church boards<\/p>\n Seeker friendly churches — A church that has a Sunday worship service that is designed to appeal to church shoppers and unbelievers<\/p>\n Emergent churches — postmodern churches where biblical truth seldom gets in their way<\/p>\n Contemplative prayer\/spiritual formation — Hearing from God by practicing mysticism.<\/p>\n Taking the city for Christ — Statement often heard from Word-of-Faith and other delusional pastors<\/p>\n Taking the world for Christ — Statement heard from those that have some sort of Dominion Theology<\/p>\n Dominion Theology — Forcing all people in the world to trust in Jesus<\/p>\n Great commission — For many American churches it is how to have your best life now or establishing social justice by robbing from Peter to give away to Paul<\/p>\n Prayer service — Service to learn the latest gossip and to pray for people who you do not know and do not know how to pray for.<\/p>\n Healing service — Service where those with the gift of healing do not attend<\/p>\n Preaching to the choir — What pastors generally do after choir rehearsal on Sunday or Wednesday nights.<\/p>\n Revival — Bringing in a professional preacher to preach salvation messages to those that really ain’t coming.<\/p>\n
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